


How to Fall in Love With Your Commanding Officer

by ellebeedarling



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Falling In Love, Fluff fluff and more fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-12-10 20:21:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11699229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellebeedarling/pseuds/ellebeedarling
Summary: Kaidan tries to hide his feelings for his new Commander. It doesn't work out very well for him.





	1. An Ass to Die For

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AnnaRaven](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnaRaven/gifts), [Mareel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mareel/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is part of an mshenko fluff fest for AnnaRaven and Mareel. I hope y'all enjoy! :)

Ashley Williams was a first rate soldier, and Kaidan couldn't help wondering what had been holding her career back. He was half tempted to speak to the Commander about it, but he wasn't sure how the man would take it. Shepard didn't seem like the type of person to divulge what he'd read in his subordinate's personnel files, but he was still friendlier with his crew than any CO Kaidan had ever had. Better looking, too.

 

Those thoughts were a distraction, so he quashed them. He'd served with other soldiers who'd developed attachments to one another, even known of a few shipboard romances that had developed. Well, perhaps  _ romance _ was a strong word. The Alliance could make all the regulations they wanted. Everyone knew it didn't keep fellow marines from sleeping together.

 

It was something Kaidan had managed to avoid himself, however narrowly. Throughout his years of military service, he'd naturally bonded with certain of his fellow soldiers. But he wanted to serve. Wanted to see what was waiting in the wide galaxy. What he didn't want was to screw that up by getting involved with his comrades, or god forbid, his commanding officers – no matter how tempted he was.

 

He became aware that he'd zoned out of his conversation with Ash when he looked up to see her raising a questioning brow at him. “Am I boring you, LT?”

 

Having the decency to feel ashamed of himself, Kaidan rubbed the back of his neck, noting the telltale warmth creeping up his cheeks. “Sorry, Chief,” he muttered. “What were you saying?”

 

“ I was asking what your opinion of the Commander is, but I think I can guess.” The knowing smirk on her face only exacerbated his embarrassment. Ashley took a sip of her coffee, eyeing him over the rim. “He is cute, isn't he?”

 

“ Uh... I don't think we should talk about our CO like this, Chief.”

 

She rolled her sparkling brown eyes. “Oh, come off it, LT. Nobody is that straight laced. You have eyes and a sex drive, right? And don't pretend you haven't been staring at his ass, because I've seen you.” Her voice was pitched low enough that only Kaidan could hear, for which he was grateful, though he hated the mirth in her eyes at the moment.

 

By now his face was flaming, and he cleared his throat a few times as he looked away before finally giving in with a slow nod. “Yeah... alright... I admit it... he's really hot.” Now that the confession had been made, he felt a giddy sort of relief rush out in an almost girlish giggle. Ashley shared his secret laughter.

 

“ God, his ass is so tight. Don't you just want to  _ bite _ it!” She chomped her teeth with a snap, and Kaidan couldn't contain his laugh.

 

“ Yeah,” he admitted. “God, I really do!”

 

Ashley's eyes twinkled at him, and he couldn't help feeling like he'd finally made a real friend in the Gunnery Chief. He'd never act on any of these feelings. Neither would Ashley, if he'd pegged her personality correctly. But what was the harm in a little shameless ogling of the boss?


	2. Remarkably Strong-Willed

Jealousy spiked in Kaidan as he listened to Liara fawning over the Commander. _ “You must be remarkably strong-willed, Commander,” _ his mind mimicked in a high pitched voice. He couldn't wait to get out of this room. Not that he had anywhere to go to get away from these feelings. His attraction to Shepard had been increasing at FTL speeds since he'd boarded the Normandy, and outrunning it was simply impossible at the moment.

 

He had to get a handle on this. Dr. T'soni seemed like a perfectly lovely person. There was no reason to be jealous, no reason to treat her with disdain. Except that the way she was eyeing Shepard up made his blood curdle in his veins. Couple that with an intense wave of nausea from his budding migraine, and he really just needed to get away. Typically, he wasn't the type to be anxious for some shore leave, but a drink sounded really damn good right about now.

 

The asari swooned – literally and metaphorically, he figured – and Shepard caught her in his arms, sending Kaidan's blood pressure through the roof. Christ, he needed to get a grip. Knowing that Liara needed medical attention, Shepard cut the meeting short, and escorted the newest crew member out the door. Kaidan was about to escape when Ashley gripped his arm.

 

“ What's the deal with her, huh? Could she be more obvious in her attraction to Shepard?  _ Oh Commander! You must be remarkably strong-willed _ ,” Ashley sounded exactly like the parody in Kaidan's own head, and he couldn't hold in a laugh.

 

He and Ash made their way to the mess, digging out some ration bars and a cup of coffee each. Kaidan sipped his drink and sighed, “We really shouldn't be too hard on her. She deserves for us to give her a chance at least.”

 

“ She's encroaching on your turf, and you want to give her a chance?”

 

“ It's not my turf, Ash,” he said adamantly. “Shepard is my commanding officer and-”

 

“ -and really hot, and compassionate, and powerful as all hell, and...” she dragged the short syllable into two, “he's interested in you.”

 

Kaidan's heart flipped in his chest, and he knew his face was beet red. “Don't be absurd.”

 

Ashley rolled her eyes. “Look... I'm gonna be frank with you here.” He snorted. When had Ashley not been frank? “I've never been one to buck the regs. I've worked damned hard to get to where I'm at, but I'd be willing to take a chance for Shepard. And I've tried some not-so-subtle flirting, but he shut that down real quick.”

 

“ That's because he takes his job seriously, Ash.” Exasperation welled up in him as the Chief went on.

 

“ No, you oblivious idiot, it's because he's gay and he can't keep his eyes off your ass any more than you can keep yours off his.”

 

“ What makes you think he's gay?”

 

“ He told me.”

 

That came as a shock, and Kaidan swallowed thickly around his tongue, which suddenly felt three sizes too big for his mouth. “He told you?” he choked out.

 

“ Not in so many words,” she admitted, holding her hands up for patience when his eyes narrowed at her. “We were talking in the cargo bay, and I said something stupid – and embarrassing in retrospect. About that time, you walked in, heading for engineering, and Shepard just stopped, watching you walk away. When he finally looked back at me, he knew he was busted. It was the funniest thing,” she hooted. “His face was red as a tomato and he started stammering his way through an explanation. I cut him off and asked flat out if he was gay, and he just nodded, looking even more embarrassed.”

 

“ What did you do after that?”

 

“ I told him it didn't bother me and now at least I understood why he kept rebuffing my pathetic attempts to catch his attention.” This time her laugh was more of self-deprecation than of humor, and Kaidan reached across the table to pat her hand in comfort. “He told me it didn't matter if he was gay or not, he didn't believe in going against Alliance regulations.”

 

Kaidan felt torn between crowing in triumph or weeping in bitter disappointment that he'd been right about the Commander. On the one hand, it made him respect Shepard more. On the other, he now knew beyond a doubt that he didn't have a chance with the man. Not that he really thought he'd stood one before. “It's for the best, Ash,” he ended up saying, whether to comfort her or himself didn't really matter. He sensed they both needed to hear it. “Relationships with CO's always complicate things, and you know we can't afford to add to our burdens right now.”

 


	3. Art Appreciation

“ Hey, Kaidan.”

 

God, he loved the way Shepard said his name – so soft and almost... reverent. His heart never failed to do gymnastics when he heard it. Reigning these feelings in had proven more difficult than he'd anticipated. He respected Shepard. How could he not? The man was the model soldier, honest and compassionate to a fault, and goddammit he was hot. Those blue eyes of his were mesmerizing, not to mention the rest of him. His own eyes unconsciously swept the Commander's body before he could catch them, and he grimaced inwardly.

 

“ Commander,” he said with a nod, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly.

 

Shepard looked a little disappointed at the use of his title, and he drew in his own breath, locking his hands behind his back. “Just wanted to get your thoughts on the mission,” he said, all business.

 

“ The rachni? Honestly, I would have preferred to defer to the Council on that one.”

 

Shepard nodded sagely. “I hear you.” He pulled a hand to his face to scratch his chin. “Too bad that wasn't an option. I tried to do the right thing.”

 

Kaidan tracked the movement of Shepard's fingers – long and thin, but knobbly in a way that belied their elegant shape. They belonged to a soldier – rough and worn with callouses, crooked from being broken so many times. Kaidan wanted to feel them against his skin. He swallowed. “Hard to say what the right thing is in that situation.”

 

“ Yeah.” Shepard's eyes darted around the room before settling on Kaidan's again.

 

“ I feel bad about Benezia. Liara must be taking it pretty hard.”  _ Understatement of the century, Alenko! _ Shepard had a way of throwing him off balance. He had enough training to cope during missions, but here, without the protective barrier of armored plates or the distraction of whizzing bullets, it was harder to maintain his calm veneer. Ashley giving him a wink and a thumb's up behind the Commander's back didn't help matters.

 

Shepard glanced toward the medbay and frowned. “She's doing better,” he said softly, oblivious to Kaidan's internal struggles. “She's strong, and she understands that the woman who raised her no longer truly existed.” The gentle tone of his voice set against Kaidan's nerves like pin prickles, jealousy flaring to life once more as Shepard spoke of Liara with an almost tender affection. Perhaps Ashley had misunderstood the man if she thought he was gay.

 

“ Sounds like you really care about her.” The words escaped before he could stop them, more bitter than he liked, and the slight widening of Shepard's eyes didn't go unnoticed.

 

“ I...”

 

Kaidan had never seen the Commander speechless before. It felt like a minor victory in some sadistic way. He honestly wasn't sure what had gotten into him where Shepard was concerned. He considered himself a rather level headed guy. Sure he had a temper, but he'd spent years learning to control it. Jealousy was not an emotion to which he was accustomed. Instead of throwing the man a bone, however – switching topics or excusing himself from the conversation – Kaidan merely lifted an eyebrow at Shepard's sudden inability to speak.

 

Not rising to Kaidan's bait, Shepard drew himself erect once more, tucking his hands behind his back. “She's a member of my crew, Lieutenant. Her well-being is of great importance to me. As is yours and every other member of my team.”

 

Well, that let the air right out of Kaidan's balloon. He could almost hear the hissing whine as his hopes deflated and zipped around the room before landing in a corner with a plop. “Understood, Sir,” he said crisply, burying his disappointment deep below the layers of shame and mortification he was feeling at the moment. “My apologies if I was out of line, Commander.”

 

Shepard watched him for a few brief moments, expression blank and impossible to decipher. His blue eyes flicked back and forth between Kaidan's, and the biotic could almost see the gears turning in the Commander's mind. “Kai-”

 

“ ETA thirty minutes to Feros,” Joker interrupted.

 

“ Copy that, Joker. Thank you.” He watched Kaidan for another strained second. “We'll continue this another time, Lieutenant. Suit up. You're on the ground.”

 

“ Aye, sir.”


	4. Keeping Your Nose Clean

Kaidan stopped just out of sight when he heard voices coming from the mess. “...Liara's not my type, Garrus,” Shepard's voice stated clearly.

 

“ I apologize, Shepard. I suppose I am not as well-versed on human body language as I probably should be, considering my current place of residence.”

 

The Commander laughed softly. “Well, we're in the same boat then.”

 

“ Um, yes, Commander. We are.” There was a quizzical tone to Garrus' voice that Kaidan didn't understand until Shepard laughed harder.

 

“ It's an expression,” Shepard said. “A figure of speech. It just means we're in similar situations. I don't know much about turian body language either, so... we're in the same boat.”

 

“ Ah. Well, maybe we should make a study of it. I wouldn't want to accidentally flirt with you in some bizarre human courtship ritual.”

 

“ There aren't many of those in existence anymore,” Shepard laughed again. “Although I read something once about giving a dowry of carved marigolds and sheaves of wheat to the family of your intended. That's possibly the most bizarre one I've ever heard of.”

 

Garrus chuckled. “Ancient turians had a tradition of making a necklace out of the fringe of their enemies. When they had collected enough, they would take the necklace to the mate of their choice. They could then accept or reject him based on the merit of the number of fringe spines he had on his necklace.”

 

“ While that does sound... unappealing,” Shepard admitted, “I know there were some ancient tribal civilizations who did similar things. Warriors had to prove themselves worthy of the woman they loved.”

 

“ Only women?” Garrus seemed truly surprised.

 

“ Same sex relationships amongst humans have only been commonly accepted for the last hundred years or so.”

 

“ That's odd. Homosexuality has always been a part of turian culture.”

 

“ Must be nice,” Shepard muttered so low Kaidan could barely hear from his hiding spot. A little thrill raced through his system.

 

“ Oh,” Garrus said in realization. “That's why Liara's not appealing to you. You prefer the company of your own gender.”

 

“ While it is true that I prefer the company of my own gender, that's not the only reason I'm not interested in Liara. I know it's different on turian ships, but the Alliance doesn't allow for fraternization amongst its soldiers.”

 

“ Fraternization? Oh, you mean sex.”

 

“ Yeah,” Shepard laughed. “Sex. It's against the rules.”

 

“ Seems an odd thing to prohibit.”

 

“ Maybe humans are just not as controlled in their emotions as turians are,” Shepard shrugged. “I've seen what happens when soldiers break the regulations. It's... not pretty.”

 

“ Do you have any personal experience with it?”

 

“ No. I've always tried to keep my nose clean in that respect.”

 

“ Keep your... nose?... Shepard, I may not understand a lot about human body language, but I have a cursory knowledge of biology and anatomy. I can't imagine what you would be doing with your-”

 

Shepard laughed loudly, bringing a fist down on the table a couple of times while Garrus stared at him placidly. Wiping the tears from his eyes, the Commander managed to explain the figure of speech to the turian through his dwindling hysterics.

 

“ I'd like to see you do better with turian idioms,” Garrus said, a peevish quality to his voice that only reignited Shepard's amusement.

 

“ Well, you'll have to try some on me another time, I'm afraid. I've got to finish writing these Feros reports. Thanks for the talk.”

 

Kaidan slipped around the opposite side of the elevator, peering after Shepard's retreating back. “You'd make a terrible spy on Palaven, Alenko,” Garrus said quietly. “I could smell you the minute you set foot on this deck.”

 

“ I wasn't...” he let the thought die away at Garrus' dubious expression, easily readable by any species.

 

“ At least you know for sure he likes men,” the turian stated. “You're welcome for that by the way.”

 

Kaidan was too dumbfounded to comment, and simply watched as Garrus walked away.


	5. Cool Under Pressure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've never done a "stranded in the Mako" fic before, so here ya go.

 

“ Well, this figures,” Ashley muttered, tucking her hands under her armpits in an effort to warm them.

 

Shepard scratched his head as he raised himself out from under the hood of the Mako. “I'm no mechanic,” he said ruefully. “I guess the only option is to call for an evac and try again in the morning after Garrus has had a chance to repair the damage.” There was an undercurrent of annoyance at that last admission. This stop on Mavigon wasn't necessarily an urgent one, but it was something sitting in Shepard's to-do folder, irritating him until he could get it over with.

 

“ I can take a look, Commander,” Kaidan said. “I'm not much of a mechanic either, but I used to tinker on the farm machinery with my dad sometimes.”

 

“ Farm machinery?” Shepard questioned. “I thought you grew up in Vancouver.” He leaned his head under the hood with Kaidan, not seeing anything new.

 

“ Well, you may recall that my dad's family owns an orchard in the interior,” Kaidan reminded him. “There was always work to do when we visited my grandparents.”

 

“ Ah... I'd forgotten. I'm sorry. Any idea what we're looking at here?”

 

“ If we're lucky, just a blown fuse or two. Otherwise, I'm afraid I'm going to be at just as much a loss as you are.”

 

“ Let me see,” Ashley insisted, budging Kaidan out of the way with an elbow while Shepard chuckled lightly. “My dad had this old Mustang he was fixing up. Converted to run on power cells rather than gasoline, but man, was it a peach.” She poked her hand down inside the confusing array of wire and metal parts that made up the Mako's inner workings. Shepard couldn't begin to say what most of the pieces were.

 

With a curse, the Gunnery Chief sat up and yanked off her gloves. “Can't get my fingers in there with those damn things,” she muttered.

 

Shepard glanced around to be sure they were well out of danger, but Kaidan had already beaten him to the punch and was patrolling the perimeter, gun at the ready. Shepard grinned at that. Kaidan was one of the most reliable soldiers he'd ever worked with.

 

He knew his terrible driving had become a running joke with the team, but he wasn't as adept at maintaining shields during a firefight as, say, Kaidan was. And it would be a cold day in hell before he admitted that he suffered from motion sickness whenever he manned the tank's main gun. A poor driver he may be, but he was still the Commander, and that had to come with at least a few perks.

 

Too bad one of those perks couldn't be his brown eyed Lieutenant.

 

Shaking his head, Shepard focused his attention on Ashley's grease streaked hands, grinning again when she reached up to scratch her forehead and smeared some of the grime on her skin. “Well?”

 

She sighed. “Looks like a simple fix. Just a busted o-ring that should've been replaced during routine maintenance.”

 

“ Garrus was probably too busy replacing the drive shaft after that jump on Metgos,” Kaidan quipped, peeking over Ashley's and Shepard's shoulders. “Doubt he had time to worry about routine maintenance.”

 

“ True,” Ashley conceded. “Maybe the Mako should have two mechanics. One could take care of the structural damage while the other makes sure the damn thing will actually run.”

 

“ How do both of you feel about latrine detail?” Shepard asked with a scowl. He was granted two apologies for his trouble. Nodding, he sighed, “So, it can't be fixed right here?”

 

“ Doubtful,” Ashley said. “Unless there just happens to be an o-ring in the tool box. It's not very likely, though.”

 

“ I'll go get it just in case,” Shepard said, then signaled for Kaidan to take another loop around the perimeter.

 

The trio cursed in unison as they realized the tool box didn't contain what they needed. Even more bad news followed when they radioed the Normandy and found out they were stranded till morning due to a storm rolling in. “Well, there's nothing to do but try to get some rest,” Shepard said, conceding defeat to the day's plan. “We're too far to make it to the syndicate hideout on foot. We'll freeze to death before we get there. Will the Mako's heaters still work, Williams?”

 

“ Maybe?” Ashley didn't sound optimistic.

 

“ Well, I'm sure we're all familiar with the concept of puppy piling.”

 

Kaidan thought the Commander didn't sound particularly happy about that idea at the moment. And imagining being snuggled up against the first human Spectre seemed like both the best and worst idea ever. He caught Shepard's gaze briefly. There was a note of discomfiture in his sapphire eyes that Kaidan barely noticed before the man glanced away again.

 

“ Alright, it sucks, but we should all probably find a makeshift latrine before we turn in. The sun's sinking, and Joker said the storm would hit within the hour.”

 

Ashley winced at the thought of removing her breeches, but she'd been in worse situations. Modesty was a luxury soldiers couldn't afford. Shepard dug through the supply kit in the Mako, handing out wet wipes and tissue paper, and Ashley headed behind the tank to take care of things, while Kaidan and Shepard waited at the front.

 

“ You alright, Commander?” Kaidan asked, having noticed Shepard's unease earlier.

 

“ Just feels like we're wasting time here. I should have told Helena Blake no.”

 

“ Like you said before, Shepard. If these criminals are as bad as she said, they need to be dealt with.”

 

“ I just wonder what the fallout is going to be. And every moment we waste here is one more chance for Saren to get ahead.”

 

“ You can't look at it that way, Shepard.” Kaidan laid a hand on the man's shoulder, and the Commander's eyes snapped to his. The older man's throat was instantly dry, constricted by the intensity of Shepard's stare.

 

“ Kaidan, I wanted-”

 

“ Next!” Ashley shouted, rounding the corner of the tank. Shepard jerked his head, indicating that Kaidan should take his turn, and Williams climbed into the tank to start removing her armor.

 

The three of them stripped down to their under armor, then Shepard passed out the emergency blankets. “There's some MREs in here,” he announced, passing one to each of them. “We'll need to restock this kit when we get back to the Normandy.”

 

Kaidan wasn't sure who he was talking to, or if he was just speaking out loud as a mental note to himself. Regardless, he took his pouch of food gratefully. “I'm starved!”

 

Shepard chuckled and dug into his meal, meager as it was, and Kaidan and Ashley followed suit. They swapped stories from their training days, and the laughter helped alleviate some of their fears. Being trapped in frigid conditions was dangerous, and none of them were ignorant of that fact. Once the food was gone, Shepard gathered their garbage and placed it back into the supply kit to be disposed of whenever they returned to the ship.

 

“ Alright,” he said, “time for all good little soldiers to go to bed.”

 

“ I don’t like sleeping in the middle” Ashley rushed to say. “I don't like feeling trapped.”

 

“ Better get used to the feeling, Chief,” Shepard said. “We're already trapped.”

 

“ I just mean... I like being able to move around in my sleep.”

 

“ Not much room for maneuvering back here.” Shepard glanced around the space where the rear seats had been folded down. “Suit yourself, though,” he said with a shrug.

 

Kaidan had the sneaking suspicion that she'd done that on purpose so that he and Shepard would have to sleep next to each other. The Commander had made his stance on fraternization abundantly clear to Garrus the other night, though, so Kaidan had all but given up on the idea of them being together.

 

Now if his heart would just get the message.

 

After a few minutes of bumbling and taking elbows to the ribs or kicks to the shins, they were able to settle down into reasonably comfortable positions, all facing the same direction with Shepard wedged between Ash and Kaidan. They mumbled a few good nights before falling silent, and Shepard stared at the back of Kaidan's head long after he heard Ashley's breath even out behind him.

 

He remembered having to do this sort of thing during training, but never with someone he'd been attracted to. It was disorienting in a way. Kaidan was a remarkable soldier, skilled and professional. It was one of the things Shepard admired about him. His thoughts regarding the lieutenant had turned inappropriate about thirty seconds after meeting the man. Never in all his years of active military service had he met anyone he'd felt this way about. Crushes came and went. One night stands and fleeting romances were the bread and butter of a soldier's life. This attachment he felt for Kaidan was going to be his undoing.

 

Blowing out a slow breath, he felt the lieutenant shiver against him, and frowned. “Cold?” he asked quietly.

 

“ N-no.”

 

He had just assumed that Kaidan was already asleep, but his stuttering was worrisome to Shepard. Without thinking, he wrapped an arm around the man and pulled him closer, ignoring the way Kaidan's body went rigid with the contact. If he was cold, he needed more body heat; it was as simple as that. The biotic relaxed after a few heartbeats, and Shepard took a moment to enjoy the closeness of the other man, shutting up his conscience as it reminded him that this was unbecoming behavior and temporary, besides.

 

In the darkness, he felt Kaidan's hand shift to his, fingers threading together, and after a moment's hesitation, Shepard gave it an encouraging squeeze. He felt the hitch of the older man's breath, and couldn't seem to stop himself from leaning forward and nuzzling his cheek against Kaidan's neck, body shuddering with the ache in his heart that he couldn't repress.

 

They were still in the exact same position when Ashley found them the next morning.


	6. Snickerdoodles

“ Hey, Kaidan.”

 

There it was again, his name rolling off Shepard's lips and right down Kaidan's spine where it settled with a pleasant buzz at the base. “Hey, Shepard.”

 

A ghost of a smile flashed across the Commander's face before he schooled it. “Mind if I join you?”

 

“ Of course not.” Three weeks had passed since the Mako incident, and neither of them had spoken about their cuddling that was obviously for more than just warmth. At various times both of them had seemed to want to bring it up, but neither of them ever did.

 

Shepard slid into the chair across from Kaidan, setting his mug and a plate containing some sort of cookie on the table. “Want one?” Shepard slid the plate closer. “They're snickerdoodles. My mom makes them on the rare occasion she's feeling domestic.”

 

Kaidan chuckled. “Your mom's in the Alliance, right?”

 

“ Yeah. She's XO of the Killamanjaro. She turned down a couple promotions so that she could focus on raising me after my dad died. But she's been busting her ass since I joined, making up for lost time.” Shepard's smile was fond as he thought about her, and Kaidan couldn't help returning the expression. His own mother meant the world to him.

 

“ So, she sends you care packages?” For some reason, that struck Kaidan as funny. They had just made a supply run to the Citadel, and his own care package was sitting in his locker waiting for him. He always liked to savor those packages, drawing out the suspense, making the treats and goodies inside last as long as humanly possible in order to maintain that connection to family. For now, he was content in the knowledge that something his mother had selected and sent specifically to him was aboard the ship, waiting for him to open it and treasure whatever was inside.

 

“ Sure,” Shepard shrugged. “Your mom doesn't?”

 

“ Oh... Yeah, of course she does.”

 

“ Did you get anything good this time?”

 

Kaidan chuckled and explained his strange approach to care packages.

 

“ Makes sense,” Shepard agreed. “Then you can almost make them last till the next one comes.”

 

“ What about you? Get anything good?”

 

“ Well, I obviously don't have your self control, because I tore into these cookies immediately.” He nudged the plate toward Kaidan again, and this time, the lieutenant took one, humming appreciatively as he chewed. Shepard grinned. “Uh, my favorite coffee blend. Don't tell the crew, but I have my own machine in my quarters.”

 

“ No wonder you're always so chipper in the mornings.”

 

Shepard laughed with him. “A handful of audio books and a new vid collection. Not sure when she thinks I have time to read and watch vids, but the thought is appreciated anyway. Oh, and you know the usual mom stuff – socks, underwear, a hideous sweater.”

 

“ Do you think we ever outgrow our mothers buying us underwear?” Kaidan asked with a chuckle.

 

“ Evidently not. I joined the Alliance eleven years ago, and she still sends me a pack of underwear in every care package. I'm not sure if she thinks I lose them or just don't bother washing them.”

 

“ Well, did you have a thing for streaking when you were younger? Maybe she just knows you too well.”

 

The Commander almost snorted coffee out his nose and came up spluttering and gasping for breath through his laughter. “Sorry to disappoint, Alenko, but I'm afraid I'm not much of an exhibitionist. I am, however, the proud owner of an inordinate amount of underwear.”

 

His hand stalled midway to his mouth, clutching a cookie, and they shared another laugh as their eyes met. Shepard held Kaidan's gaze long enough for it become almost uncomfortable before his eyes shifted back down to the plate of cookies. “You can have the last one,” Shepard said, nudging the plate toward Kaidan for the third time since they'd sat down.

 

“ I'm not going to take your last cookie, Commander.”

 

Shepard's face fell at the use of his rank, though he tried to recover quickly. “I don't mind. I don't really like sweets all that much. Go ahead and take it.” He stood abruptly. “I better get to work on those reports. Have a good night, Lieutenant.”

 

“ Shepard,” Kaidan called before the man could get away. He just couldn't stand the thought of ending the night on that tense, sour note. “Thanks for sharing your cookies with me.”

 

The Commander grinned brightly. “My pleasure.”


	7. Share and Share Alike

Finding a quiet corner of the Normandy to open his care package was nearly impossible, so Kaidan waited until well into the night cycle to creep down to the Mako. He opened the door and froze. Shepard sat in one of the back seats, long legs stretched out before him, watching a video of some sort. The Commander had a startled expression on his face like he'd just been caught with his pants down.

 

“ Kaidan?”

 

“ Uh... I'm sorry, Shepard. I didn't know you were in here.”

 

Shepard huffed, more amused than annoyed, “That was kinda the point.” He motioned with his hand for Kaidan to join him, and the older man climbed up into the seat next to Shepard's.

 

“ So... you're hiding from the crew now?”

 

“ Maybe a little,” Shepard rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “I was trying to watch one of these vids my mom sent me, but I kept getting interrupted in my quarters.” He shrugged. “So I came down here thinking no one would look for me here. I see I was wrong.” His smile was light despite his words, and Kaidan couldn't help grinning back.

 

Thinking about all the time they'd spent together, and how it seemed they were both dancing around each other, made Kaidan take the chance and ask, “Would it be such a bad thing if I'd come looking for you?”

 

“ That depends,” Shepard said, a hint of something dangerous in his voice. “Are you trying to find me for business? Or pleasure?”

 

Kaidan's mouth went dry at the sultry tone of Shepard's words, and he wasn't sure what to say to that. Shepard laughed and the mood shifted instantly, the tense air around them settling back into comfortable silence. The Commander cleared his throat and held up a bottle of whiskey. “Another gift from my mom,” he said. “Sorry. My mouth tends to run away from my brain when I've been drinking.” He offered the bottle to Kaidan who took it and had a taste. “I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. That was certainly not my intent.”

 

The whiskey was smooth and slightly sweet, and slid down his throat like silk. Definitely the good stuff. “You didn't,” Kaidan said at last. “And, I wasn't actually looking for you, though if I had, it would have been for the pleasure of your company... not for work.”

 

Shepard's gaze was steady, despite the alcohol he'd been consuming. “The pleasure of my company, huh?”

 

“ I consider you a friend, Shepard.”

 

“ I consider you a friend too, Kaidan,” he almost whispered.

 

In the glow of Shepard's omni-tool, Kaidan could see the man's bright blue eyes, the cut of his jaw, the curve of his lips, and he wanted more than anything to taste him, to take him, to have him. Shepard blinked and looked away, and Kaidan coughed the last of the shattered moment out of his throat. “Uh... I was just looking for a place to open my care package from my mom without prying eyes,” he admitted at last.

 

Shepard nodded in understanding. “Well, let me get out of your hair then.” He stood to leave but was stopped when Kaidan's fingers wrapped tightly around his wrist.

 

“ I don't mind sharing with you, Shepard. You shared your cookies with me, after all.”

 

A crooked grin settled on the Commander's face, and he sat back down beside Kaidan, watching excitedly as the man began to open his care package. There was a handwritten letter on top of everything. One package each of socks and underwear that caused the men to laugh. Mothers! An even uglier sweater than the one Shepard had gotten from his mom. Various toiletry items and several different homemade treats rounded out the package.

 

Kaidan pulled out a container of raspberry thumbprint cookies and grinned widely as he opened the box and took out two cookies. “These are my favorite,” he said, passing one to Shepard.

 

“ Mmm... these are good!”

 

They both chewed silently, lost in thought for a few moments. When his cookie was gone, Kaidan cleared his throat. “Shepard?”

 

“ Hm?” Those blue eyes were on him again, sharp and intense, making it difficult to breathe or think.

 

“ About the other night... in the Mako...”

 

“ Yeah?” Shepard prompted, voice hushed. In the dim glow, Kaidan could still see a subtle smile on the man's lips.

 

“ I'm... well, I'm sorry. It was unprofessional of me-”

 

“ -Kaidan,” Shepard interrupted. “Please don't apologize. Not for that.” He sighed and let his head fall against the wall of the tank with a thud. “I like you,” he confessed, so quiet Kaidan almost missed it.

 

“ I like you too, Shepard. If I'm out of line, just tell me, but... you're so much more than just my commanding officer. I mean, you're my friend, but...”

 

The silence stretched again. Shepard reached over and took Kaidan's hand in his, lacing their fingers together and resting them on his thigh. “Me too, Kaidan.”


	8. True Love's Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cheesy culmination of this very cheesy story! :)

It was corny as all hell, but Kaidan couldn't help that his mind went in that direction. He'd waited an eternity to feel those lips – plump and pliant, and warm as a ray of sunshine – against his own. The sense that birds were singing and stars were aligning was straight out of some romanticized princess movie, but that's how Kaidan felt at the moment. Good would triumph over evil. He and Shepard would ride off into the sunset together. All was right in the galaxy.

 

He wasn't even sure how it happened, exactly. One minute, they'd been talking about mission reports, and the next, his back was against the wall, and Shepard was kissing the daylights out of him. And damn, but the man knew how to kiss. Not that Kaidan had ever doubted it. There were just enough teeth to be erotic; just enough tongue to be sensual. Damn, but he was a messy puddle of want at that moment.

 

This should never end, he decided. Kissing Shepard felt like the best thing that'd ever happened to him, and there had been plenty of good things in his life. This was so much more, however. Like that first lick of ice cream on a sweltering day. The first ripe, juicy peach of the season. The first icy swig of beer from the bottle. The first taste of John Shepard's lips – cinnamony sweet like the snickerdoodles they'd been eating – was the best  _ first  _ in the universe.

 

Maybe it was because he'd never really felt this way about anyone before. He'd read the stories. All those romantic space adventures where the guy gets the girl – or guy – and all's well that ends well. The kissing scenes always left him with this vision of unicorns and rainbows and butterflies whose wings looked like hearts fluttering around everywhere. True love's kiss. When you finally made that connection with the one you were meant to be with.

 

Thinking of Shepard as his one true love caused Kaidan to finally break the kiss, gazing into John's eyes as they gasped for breath. Shepard's eyes were shining with desire, face ruddy, lips glossy and swollen. His smile was genuine – full of meaning and promise and affection – as he cupped Kaidan's face and rested their foreheads together.

 

Kaidan’s breath hitched on a short giggle, heady with the knowledge that, of all the people in the galaxy, that smile was now reserved for him alone. Those lips, that he'd dreamed of for months, were there for him to claim again and again – so he did. And damned if the second kiss wasn't just as powerful as the first. The all-consuming passion ebbed, and the kisses devolved into short pecks and fleeting brushes of one pair of lips against the other. Finally, Shepard pulled Kaidan into his arms, holding him tight, fingers carving through his hair.

 

“ I've wanted to do that for so long.”

 

“ Me too,” Kaidan confessed with another laugh – the sheer joy between them was exhilarating.

 

“ We should get back to work,” Shepard breathed against his ear, lips brushing his skin.

 

Kaidan shuddered, but nodded. “But we can do this again later, right?”

 

Shepard snickered against his cheek before kissing a line down his jaw. “Absolutely.” His hand trailed down Kaidan's chest and back up around his neck. When he lifted his head, there was something profound in the depths of his eyes that made Kaidan's heart seize in his chest. Their mouths met again, chaste compared to before, and Kaidan knew. All silly romantic notions aside, he knew beyond doubt, that he loved Shepard with his entire being, and that the reality of true love's kiss was even better than the movies made it out to be.  

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my brilliant beta [sparkly_butthole](http://archiveofourown.org/users/sparkly_butthole/pseuds/sparkly_butthole)! You're amazing sweetpea! 
> 
> Thank you for reading! Hope you enjoyed! 
> 
> Find me on tumblr: [ellebeedarling](http://ellebeedarling.tumblr.com)
> 
> Much love,  
> Elle


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